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    Planning a funeral

    There are many aspects to consider when planning a personalised send-off that truly reflects your loved one's life. Here's a brief guide on how the process works when I'm involved in planning and conducting a funeral service, as well as some key aspects for you to consider.

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    The process

    For straightforward funeral arrangements, usually the following steps will apply:

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    1. Speak with your chosen funeral director - You will contact or visit your chosen funeral director who will discuss the main aspects of the ceremony with you such as:​

      • Whether the person who has died is to be buried or cremated.​​

      • A potential date, time and location for the funeral service.

      • Whether you'd like a religious, humanist or celebrant-led ceremony. 

      • It is likely that you will discuss coffin choices, so that this can be ordered for your loved one in a timely manner.

      • At this stage you may also discuss other choices such as vehicles, flowers, music and visual tributes.

    2. Confirming my appointment - If you've chosen a celebrant-led ceremony style, and you'd like me to conduct the service, your funeral director will likely contact me directly to:​

      • Check my availability for the agreed time, date and location​

      • Relay all other aspects that have already been discussed between you and the funeral director, so that we are fully aligned on your requirements from the start.

    3. First contact from me - Once I've received the instruction from your funeral director, I will get in touch with the main point of contact or next of kin directly to arrange a time, date and place that suits you in order to meet and discuss the person who has died and your requirements for their ceremony.

    4.  Our meeting - At this meeting we will discuss the timeline of the person's life, their personality, how they lived their life and how you want them to be remembered. We'll also discuss any further means of personalising the service that you may not yet have decided on or discussed with your funeral director. It is helpful to have several people who knew the deceased well present at this meeting, so I can obtain a diverse range of perspectives. You should allow around 2 hours for this meeting, as we'll naturally focus on many points of detail.

    5. Script preparation and follow up - After this meeting, I will go away and prepare the ceremony script draft and return this back to the main point of contact for approval. It may take 2-3 days to prepare this, depending on the content and time available before the scheduled funeral date.  I will provide a specific timeline for each case at our meeting, to manage expectations. I will also contact the funeral director to confirm:

      • That we have met and what we've discussed​

      • Any additions or amendments to their understanding of your requirements, to ensure full alignment.

    6. Final decisions - By this point, all you should need to be concerned with is:​

      • Confirming the final ceremony script/order of service (I will provide clear deadlines for this, to help ensure everything is perfect for your loved one's day)​

      • Confirming on any other outstanding choices or details with your funeral director.

      • Making any other additional arrangements, such as flowers and for the reception after the service, if applicable.

      • Preparing yourself for your loved one's send-off.

    Things to consider

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    Here are some aspects that you may wish to consider for your loved one's ceremony (it is likely that I and/or your funeral director will discuss these with you):

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    • Song/music choices​​

    • Any floral tributes, and whether you'd like to invite these from others too, or perhaps request donations instead.

    • Any readings, poems, prayers or quotes that you'd like to be factored in to the service.

    • If anyone else would like to speak during the service, either by delivering their own eulogy or by perhaps giving a reading or poem.

    • If there are any traditional ceremonial aspects that might be fitting, perhaps if the person who has died was from a military background.

    • If you'd like the Order of Service cards to be personalised in a certain way, perhaps to include photographs or to represent any hobbies or interests.

    • If you'd like the congregation to enter and take their seats first, or if you'd like the coffin to enter first.

    • If the ceremony is taking place at a crematorium, whether at the point of committal or service end you'd like the curtains to close or the coffin to move from view, or you'd like to allow the congregation to pay their respects to the deceased as they leave.

    • Whether you'd like close family or loved ones (usually seated at the front) to leave before or after the rest of the congregation.

    • If you'd like donations collected in the deceased person's memory for a particular charity or cause.

    • Whether anyone from the family or close circle would like to act as pallbearers and carry the coffin. If not, this will be done by the funeral director's team and/or crematorium staff. 

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    These are some of the standard considerations that will likely be discussed with you.

     

    There are many, many options available to you, and I always encourage people to be open-minded and creative when planning a fitting send-off for their loved one. Celebrants and funeral directors love to say "yes" to requests, so don't feel afraid to raise suggestions, ideas or enquiries, no matter how outlandish or unorthodox they may feel.

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